Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The girl's a nut

Sherry was not what you would call the average mother; at least not by the standards of the local child welfare agency. There was no doubt that she had given birth to the little boy nor could anyone question what she wanted in her heart but when it came time to actually loving the child she found it very difficult, almost impossible. This was not the way she expected her life to be but the raw deal that she had been dealt was obviously her fate as she had been told over and over again.

When she was just fifteen, she had been sent to visit her aunt Martha and uncle Burton in Chicago while her parents went to Hawaii to attend a coworkers daughters "destination" wedding. She had wanted to go with them, simply for the trip to Hawaii but her parents funds could not be stretched to take her along. After much consideration she had been shipped off to her godparents for the week. They were much older than her parents, almost old enough to be grandparents, but they did after all have a nice apartment overlooking the lake and it would be a treat; sort of Sherrys own vacation.

She liked aunt Martha and uncle Burt enough, that was never a problem, and from the gifts, cards and letters she had gotten from them over the years she knew it was reciprocal. It wasn't until her third night there when it all began to go downhill. Apparently her aunt and uncle were very heavy drinkers and by 7pm each night aunt Martha was passed out cold, almost dead to the world. The night that uncle Burt came into her room and forced himself on her was the worst night of her short life and once she was finally able to free herself of him she wanted to die. The next morning when she confronted aunt Martha, with uncle Burt sitting right there, they both just laughed at her and told her it must have been a bad dream; what she was proposing could never ever have occurred....foolish child!

By the time she realized that she was pregnant she was back in Connecticut, at home, and she had never told her parents of that night in Chicago. She knew she would never see her uncle again but had decided not to say anything since they both acted as if she had been nuts...laughing at her...who would have believed her anyway? She told her parents that she was pregnant in the hopes that they would help her with an abortion only to discover that they wanted her to go through with the pregnancy and have the child...they would help her get it adopted afterwards.

During the nine months that followed, Sherry would pray every day that the baby inside of her would die, that she would die, that the world would end...anything that would halt her from having the child, anything that could help her forget that night. She contemplated suicide, but could never go through with her plans. She just couldn't wait to have this thing out of her and no one understood why, except maybe that bastard uncle Burt.

The strangest thing happened though. When she gave birth she felt a love for the child, so sweet looking, he had her blond hair, her blue eyes; she decided to keep the baby boy and loved him deeply as did her parents. It wasn't until a few years later when she again realized that she wanted to kill the baby. Her precious Jason was beginning to look like his father, like the son of a bitch who raped her that night and her love for him immediately began to fade. Sherry didn't know what to do but she knew she felt numb inside; she knew she now hated Jason, simply for what and for who he stood for.

Although she hated the boy she knew she could never kill him but also knew she could not go on like this; he had her parents to take care of him. She finally got up enough nerve to do it. The night she swallowed the entire bottle of her mothers Valium was the calmest night she had in years. At eighteen years of age Sherry was finally at peace yet no one left behind, not Jason, not her parents, not even her drunk aunt and uncle could understand why she had chosen to end it........well, maybe uncle Burt did.

14 comments:

gautami tripathy said...

My one question is why whenever anyone commits suicide. One of our students killed herself on 25th of Feb, 2008. I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Reading this, I truly feel the sadness flow through me again.

I know I am ranting here. Sorry for that!

Can it get any worse than this?

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

This has so many sorrows in it. I just want to reach in and fix all of her sorrows.

anthonynorth said...

A sorrowful piece, but exceptionally well written.

paisley said...

i can identify well with not having any maternal feelings... that in itself is a tragedy... i found it was possible to just move.. leave no forwarding address and run... but that was in its own way a certain kind of death in itself...

this was very well written DS

pia said...

Such a beautifully written post on such a sad subject

pjd said...

I can not imagine stopping loving a child. I can imagine a teenager overwhelmed by the mixture of emotions and being unable to cope, but one would think that if she were angry and bitter enough to hate her own child after loving him early on, she would at least leave behind some damning note that would crucify that "bastard uncle" (lovely choice of words, btw).

I think you've got a very nice beginning, but if you decide to turn this into a more polished story (it has the bones for a novel, I think), you might want to work on the MC's motivations a bit. Particularly the issue that if you count back 40 weeks from the birth, you would arrive at the time she was at her godparents', which would back up her story enough to have her (very supportive) parents request a paternity test.

I do think you've written it well, though.

tumblewords said...

Well done - lots of tension and a twist ending. I agree that it could be extended -

Laane said...

Why extend?

The story is catching. And it clearly provides enough information to leave the reader thinking...

You can find my entry here: The Fire

Have a great day!

Leigh Lear said...

how sad, but definetely sucks you in.

TC said...

I'm the only one who wanted to reach through the screen and strangle Uncle Burt? Really? Well, maybe just the only one to say so.

I can't imagine that. But then again, I can't imagine not telling someone, at some point in time.

Amarettogirl said...

I work seriously with child sexual abuse and advocating for survivors of sexually violated young women. I found your story riveting and intense, I found it could end no other way. If you do make this a bigger piece, consider more nuances in her trauma and more efforts to come to some resolution that others do not respond to...thank you for writing such a provocative piece!

OneMoreBeliever said...

i thought it was written well too.. one never knows another's emotions until you've had the same experience... painful story but truthfully told... thank you for telling the story... (just a little note…b/c thrz another gal named littlewing in the poetry blog community im changing from littlewing to onemorebeliever…)

Jo Anne O. said...

a powerfully written piece

Jane Doe said...

What a wonderfully written, heartbreakingly tragic story. By the end I had goosebumps. Great piece!