Saturday, June 27, 2009

Pleasure in a box

When I was a child I can remember my brother and I always waiting with the greatest anticipation to open Uncle Bob's christmas presents every year. I guess my sister did as well but it seemed as if we would get the most extraordinary toys you could imagine; toys that no other child we knew had, toys that appeared as if they were manufactured just for us.

Of course we got other toys, boatloads actually, along with all of the other gifts, you know, clothes, essentials, things that we held up to show everyone and smiled at. See, we were the only three children in a family of 9 adults so I guess we were somewhat spoiled. But let me get back to Uncle Bob's toys. They were amazing! I remember one year he gave us a Ferris Wheel that had to be four feet tall and actually worked! Lights flashed, music played, it rotated with people in the cars, it made you feel as if you were at a carnival! It wasn't so much that it was a very stimulating toy but it was something we had never seen, never imagined as a toy. When I look back at it now, if it were given to me today, it would probably be very boring, but not then, then it was really special and it made us feel that way too!

Through the years he gave us many different things similar to the Ferris Wheel meaning that they were all unique. They either flew or we could drive them or play them as in instruments; they were all great. It always seemed odd though that Uncle Bob's toys seemed to disappear a short time after christmas was over. When I say disappear I mean that they were "put away"; whether for safekeeping or because they were bothersome I'm not sure. It's funny though, when we got older and helped in cleaning out the house they were nowhere to be found. Maybe he returned them??? I doubt it but it would have been nice to come across them as adults.

Since that time all of those nine people are gone, the toys are gone, chances are even the stores where they were bought are gone but the memories that they imparted on us will be with us forever. It's funny how one small word, "toys", can open a floodgate of memories no matter where the toys now reside!

Friday, June 19, 2009

I wish, I wish, I wish

Fathers day came and went last year without you and I was almost glad you weren't there; you had been in so much pain that knowing you were over it made me glad. Sunday is another Fathers day and I feel entirely different. This time I wish you were here with me, no matter what shape you would be in. I know it's for selfish reasons but I still can't help but wish I had you back to talk to, to be with, to put my arms around, to cry with, to feel another person feel me. I miss you Dad....


Thursday, June 18, 2009

death to life

I know that it's nature, yet can't help but swear
The flowers keep blooming
The birds keep on singing
I know that it's nature that just seems so unfair

Like you never existed, or mattered at all
The world keeps on turning
The stars still do twinkle
Like you never existed, can you fathom the gall

Would it change anything, if everything ceased
If the rain never fell
Or the tide just stood still
Would it change anything, no, not in the least

But what does need to change, is the way that I feel
Begin to be grateful
Start thinking of me
Yes what needs to be changed, is finding some zeal

What I need to accept, is my life has been altered
Not over at all
Still can be on track
What I'm beginning to see, is my life's not absurd

Although I can't help but dwell on what's be taken away
Feeling alone, left behind
I know I have to keep living
Life would have been easier, if you could have stayed

We're born, we laugh, we cry, we die -
god damned nature - we can't live or die without it.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


This weeks topic is something more than just a blog topic for me. I'm sure people are getting tired of my moaning and groaning about the same thing over and over but for some reason while I'm doing the moaning I somehow feel a little better; so, either read what I have to write or not because I have a feeling that I am going to be writing about very similar topics for some time. This particular one "Soul Mate" is very dear to me right now.

I've heard that term used many times over many years and never really understood what the meaning was other than it was a pair of people who belonged together. That was my definition.

Quite recently I have spoken to 3 different psychics looking for answers and was told by one of them that I in fact had a soul mate although we were not physically together at the moment. The way that it was described to me was that every soul has a mate somewhere and it is indeed rare when those two souls meet in the physical, and know it, which should be cherished if in fact it happens. The "soul" mates never part and no matter if one of them is inhabiting a live person and the other is not they are still together. One of the two waits for the other to pass over and then the two of them are again somehow joined in life. It may not be the same relationship you once had, it could be mother and child, friends, spouses, but more than mere acquaintances. In my current situation I chose to like and accept that definition in hopes of one day being with my soul mate again.

Think of that one person who loves or loved you more than life itself, probably even more than you love yourself and it could be very possible that person is your soul mate. Chances are there is or was a very strong bond that is almost unexplainable, you know or knew each other better than anyone else could even imagine to, again this is probably your soul mate. All of our lives we search for that perfect person, the one that fits like a glove, and whether or not we have yet to find them they are there somewhere. One theory is that there are many dimensions and we all live within each of them simultaneously with varying things occurring also at the same time. So this particular dimension may not be the one where you are currently with your soul mate but somewhere in some dimension you are. Wouldn't that be nice to know as fact? The following link is attached to a similar theory of sorts and is very long but if you get the time to listen to it there may be additional insight.

Bottom line is yes, I do believe in soul mates and hope to one day be with mine again. Perhaps, I will get to meet my soul mate again here on earth...who knows...theories are just that, theories, and until (if and when) they are proven they can differ slightly or immensely so adding your own special spin on it isn't going to hurt anyone or thing. As crazy as this may all sound to some of you, this is what I now choose to believe.

Friday, June 5, 2009


If it wasn't said
before, what now can I say
to fix the future