Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sunshine is realative


The sunniest days are sometimes the darkest

depending upon where my head awakens each morning

The locale and the weather mean nothing at all

since I've begun to carry the storm inside of me



Memories spin as rampant as an out of control child's top

occasionally crashing into an unforeseen barrier

Causing the gashes that have begun to scab over

to once again ooze hurt, regret, fear and self pity



I know what causes each and every moment of distress

yet for some reason I cannot turn away from the wreck

Like a moth that is attracted to the flame that will sear it

I find I'm attracted to the thoughts that will burn me as well



I want to remember and want to forget all at one time

but for some reason my brain keeps undermining my wants

Seemingly preventing me from forward movement

constantly knocking me back to where it thinks I should be



I know I can't push it but each day without her feels empty

as if the core of my body is gone; has just withered away

I'm sure that some day I will once again find happiness

once I start beginning to feel and do and be me...just me

1 comment:

Michelle Johnson said...

being just you is a great start. it's difficult to lose someone close to us and learn who we are supposed to be without them.