Bitter ending

She looms in my mind; she hovers

my thoughts completely aromatized

I remember the days; us lovers

as one we seemed to be optimized

A duo is oh so efficient

at nursing the needs of each other

In time you become so proficient

there is never a need for another

But break the pair and you'll find

alone just tastes acidophilous

With beings no longer combined

each second in time feels so treacherous

Unfriendly skies

A flight schedule lapse
caused him to feel desperate;
his mind travelled far.

Clotted roads

An inundated mind becomes muddled
causing confusion as to where to turn next,
which step is right, which walked path will begin
the series of the correct progressions
.

My filtering abilities seem to be clogged
for the most part and simple tasks now
cause me to be overly cautious which in turn
leaves me too often feeling mentally paralyzed
.

Maybe I need a new vision, a new purpose
to enable me to let my newly chaotic existence
fall to the wayside and once again start
seeing and sensing an orderly life; like before
.

"It's only human" they quip, "part of the process"
I've read, but this cannot continue, this isn't me,
at least not the me that I have come to know,
the me that I have become comfortable being
.

I wish it was as simple as flipping some valves
into the backwash position and clearing the muck
from blocking the way, adding some clarifier tonight
so the morning would bring clearness to to it all

Crispy Critters

Solar rays like shredded glass
now wage a special war
Skin once pink and slightly pale
now itchy, red and sore
.

To bronze our skin was once the rage
chic at the very least
We'd march our tails down to the beach
half naked and well greased
.

A healthy look we thought it gave
we all feel so good tanned
Token days on towels with
big coolers at our hand
.

Remember when we thought it was
a good dose of vitamin D
Yet there was no question, that too much,
could cause a third degree
.

I think we used to have more time
to romp within the sun
It seems as if the fun's become
a deadly loaded gun
.

Since now we know the ozone's weak
earths filter is no more
The yellow ball we used to love
will now cook us to the core
.

So throw away your oils and balms
that claim to help you tan
Buy something with SPF 10
and stay out of the frying pan

The girl's a nut

Sherry was not what you would call the average mother; at least not by the standards of the local child welfare agency. There was no doubt that she had given birth to the little boy nor could anyone question what she wanted in her heart but when it came time to actually loving the child she found it very difficult, almost impossible. This was not the way she expected her life to be but the raw deal that she had been dealt was obviously her fate as she had been told over and over again.

When she was just fifteen, she had been sent to visit her aunt Martha and uncle Burton in Chicago while her parents went to Hawaii to attend a coworkers daughters "destination" wedding. She had wanted to go with them, simply for the trip to Hawaii but her parents funds could not be stretched to take her along. After much consideration she had been shipped off to her godparents for the week. They were much older than her parents, almost old enough to be grandparents, but they did after all have a nice apartment overlooking the lake and it would be a treat; sort of Sherrys own vacation.

She liked aunt Martha and uncle Burt enough, that was never a problem, and from the gifts, cards and letters she had gotten from them over the years she knew it was reciprocal. It wasn't until her third night there when it all began to go downhill. Apparently her aunt and uncle were very heavy drinkers and by 7pm each night aunt Martha was passed out cold, almost dead to the world. The night that uncle Burt came into her room and forced himself on her was the worst night of her short life and once she was finally able to free herself of him she wanted to die. The next morning when she confronted aunt Martha, with uncle Burt sitting right there, they both just laughed at her and told her it must have been a bad dream; what she was proposing could never ever have occurred....foolish child!

By the time she realized that she was pregnant she was back in Connecticut, at home, and she had never told her parents of that night in Chicago. She knew she would never see her uncle again but had decided not to say anything since they both acted as if she had been nuts...laughing at her...who would have believed her anyway? She told her parents that she was pregnant in the hopes that they would help her with an abortion only to discover that they wanted her to go through with the pregnancy and have the child...they would help her get it adopted afterwards.

During the nine months that followed, Sherry would pray every day that the baby inside of her would die, that she would die, that the world would end...anything that would halt her from having the child, anything that could help her forget that night. She contemplated suicide, but could never go through with her plans. She just couldn't wait to have this thing out of her and no one understood why, except maybe that bastard uncle Burt.

The strangest thing happened though. When she gave birth she felt a love for the child, so sweet looking, he had her blond hair, her blue eyes; she decided to keep the baby boy and loved him deeply as did her parents. It wasn't until a few years later when she again realized that she wanted to kill the baby. Her precious Jason was beginning to look like his father, like the son of a bitch who raped her that night and her love for him immediately began to fade. Sherry didn't know what to do but she knew she felt numb inside; she knew she now hated Jason, simply for what and for who he stood for.

Although she hated the boy she knew she could never kill him but also knew she could not go on like this; he had her parents to take care of him. She finally got up enough nerve to do it. The night she swallowed the entire bottle of her mothers Valium was the calmest night she had in years. At eighteen years of age Sherry was finally at peace yet no one left behind, not Jason, not her parents, not even her drunk aunt and uncle could understand why she had chosen to end it........well, maybe uncle Burt did.

Liquid Lies

Like water connecting with chalk
on childhood sidewalk writings
yesterdays memories can become smudged
when beloved prompts disappear

.

Ideations of lost years; loves
are never thought of, not once
until they no longer exist and then
are considered twice, thrice, eternally
.

The rest of lifes offerings simply
fill the voids between the emptiness which
seems to encumber the days of the ones who wish
to remember the happiness and forget your pain

.

Yet like the runny words of yore, mix and bond the cement we're trapped in..........

Murderess

Across the bare wood floor
hurriedly ran the roach
as it scurried from its dark
haven of clumped dust and hair
.

As it quickly neared
the center of the room,
distant from safety
there was not a single hesitation
.

Marissa leapt to her feet
with nothing to consider
and picked up her boys sneaker,
an immediate plan of attack
.

Whap, crack, the roach was dead
left lying among the other
carcasses of insects; kin.
No apology was needed or given

Dads Departure

I did not provoke
the punch to my heart
nor did I expect
the emptiness; the cleft
.

Like a T-Shirt snagged
on a roses thorn
when finally released
a gaping hole was left
.

Though you were hurting
and I knew you would go
I never did think
I'd feel such a loss
.

I try to remember
all that you went through
you thought I was burdened
yet were never my cross
.

Early that morning
I was wakened from sleep
and knew that the call
could be nothing but bad
.

In the short time it took
to jump out of bed
and run to the phone
I was already sad

.

They all say you're better
no longer in pain
I wish I could see it
as beautiful travel
.

The last memories I have
are of you in that bed
staring at nothing
my fear you'd unravel
.

I'm sure I should heed
the words that I spout
to those that I counsel
it just seems so rough
.

I know you are painless
that's great but I know
your last endless days
like sinew were tough
.

I guess it will take time
for the horror to subside
when memories turn nice
I knew that it would
.

I must remind myself
minute by minute
that although the pain has shifted
for you, "it's all good"

.

.

Thank you for all the love you've freely given to me, for all the times you've held me when I was in pain, for just being my father...I will miss you dad.

Dreamgirl

We would meet several times a week
always under the cover of dark
usually in the same places
our rendesvous frightening at times
.

I never referred to her as my girlfriend
yet I know she'd be touted as such
if anyone ever caught on to our
secretive meetings and romps
.

All this time and I don't even know
her name or where she came from
but I certainly know where to meet
that slight frame of hers
.

If I didn't know better I'd swear that
I had merely imagined her
I suppose it's because of the womans
elusiveness, discretion and randomness
.

Tonight I hope to meet her again
same place, same time...unless
I fall asleep earlier than usual or
this evenings dreams take me elsewhere

Sorrows, drowned

Too often I approach

and try to correct

today's problems

.

Depending on a bottle

of any proof or sort

who gives a damn

.

As long as it will smooth

the tiresome days wrinkles

I want to forget

Circularity

Todays exhalations

feed the trees of tomorrow

whos scattered seeds

produce todays breath.

Where's the remote?

I wish on my sleeve
I wore a rewind or a
fast forward button

Instead of my heart
with dirty marks of no luck
and lack of control

I would be able
to revisit happiness;
not have to pretend